What is your ultimate goal for your life? What is most important to you?

Just something I have been thinking about a lot today, as this conversation randomly came up twice for me this week, personally and professionally.

FinnRiver Farm

Here is a picture of all of us girls on the FinnRiver Farm in Washington after several hours of volunteering and cider tasting. We helped pick up blueberry tree pruning scraps. This was a team effort we cleared about 12 rows in 2 1/2 hours! Go Team! I organized this trip as a sort of bonding experience to help open the dialogue a little better between all of us co-workers, friends and partners!

Go off the path...

I had to know and pursue what was truly beneficial for me. This would be the road that would lead me to happiness, however it ended up being a catch 22. I do have to admit it- being me and truly accepting my likes and dislikes bring me a kind of sadness. I'll never get my PhD or a scientist because I am terrible at math, dance back up for a hip-hop artist, or paint a picture worthy of millions. I love to camp and I like tofu. It really does make me sad for two reasons. Firstly, it make me sad to realize my limitations. This world offers so much and I am unable to appreciate the majority. It does make me sad that I am not different or have a stronger sense of who I could have been. We have all heard our parents say "You can be anything you want to be" but can we? We can all choose what we want to do however, we can't choose what we like to do. It becomes less about if I can and rather if I'd want to. I COULD do anything but I CANT do everything.

What are you going to do with the one and only life you got?

Impulse

Impulse: to change the momentum of an object

When you quit doing the routine, buy those expensive shoes or act on something without thinking it through. We have all been there one-way or another, but how we deal with the repercussion of our choices may prove to be difficult. I have always tried to take pride in the way I meticulously calculate each of my end results, but it hasn’t always worked for me. Have you ever wanted something so badly you would cut corners to get there? If you have you know that it’s most likely not as enjoyable as it could be, had you stuck with it and put in the hard work. We are a product of our environment our family, friends, work it is what makes us...us! 

My father used to use the expression "half-assed" I was a real master of this. Doing things half way just to be able to get the end product. It could have been anything from cleaning my room, pulling weeds (usually my Saturday go to punishment talking back) or homework. In high school I took the "easy route", it nearly ended with me failing out of school. It took a solid year and half of work to get to a point where I was happy with myself and the work I was doing. I did it! I passed and I graduated of course! I did with my own two hands however, it wasn't without trial and error. That period of my life showed me what I would need to do if I ever wanted to be truly happy an enjoy my success. Not excluding impulse behaviors. I got to this point while running, running away from my duties. My only job was to go to school, get good grades, graduate, go to college and yet I could have and almost lost all of it because I was more concerned about anything else! I learned the value of honest work and one you have the momentum to succeed you just might!

Found this gem in Maui in November 2012

By: Al Schwartz

I am a huge fan of all his works but this is amazing! It makes me reflect on the things in my life that have always come full circle.

Change

I am not some person that lives in my own head. I am what I do, and every time I fail to act, I become that failure to act - no matter what lie I want to tell myself to believe. When I started to see in myself the change I wanted to be I told myself this - "All I have to do is x and then I will be okay" - NOPE! That was not the case for me If I do x I am x, if I don't do x then I am not x. That's all!! It's not like I get to sit on the sideline and pretend I'm not living an actual life until I actually get something done - my actions are who I am! I am in charge of where it goes. You have to be the change you want.

The Raven

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door —
Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow — sorrow for the lost Lenore —
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore —
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door —
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; —
This it is, and nothing more."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"— here I opened wide the door; —
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" —
Merely this, and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore —
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; —
'Tis the wind and nothing more."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door —
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door —
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore —
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning— little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door —
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as "Nevermore.” 
― Edgar Allan Poe, The Raven

Physical & Mental

Pain there is the physical and there is mental kind of pain but how do we as humans deal with it? I don't know about you but I guess I sort of follow the  7 stages when adjusting to the pain in my life.

1. Shock & Denial 

2. Pain &Guilt 

3. Anger & Bargaining 

4. Depression, Reflection & Loneliness

5. Upward turn

6. Reconstruction

7. Acceptance & Hope

I often find myself in a state of denial and guilt when asked "whats the matter" I deflect, smile and say "nothing" it's easier to run and hide then face the facts and communicate which way you lean. Over the last several weeks I have tried facing the things I fear most head on. Pain is inevitable, we choose how we deal with it and denial is no longer an option for me. Feeding the wounds of negative thinking only brings me to the same conclusion time after time, it's time for change. Talking things through expressing how I am as helped become not only a person I have always seen for myself but a better partner, friend, co-worker, sister and daughter. I am only a small piece of what makes up a whole community and I feel as I am learning to face challenges I am becoming a more effective member. If you deal with things as it happens then you leave little room for error and that error can cause such unwanted pain, physically and mentally. 

“Face your life, its pain, its pleasure, leave no path untaken.”
― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

Rewards

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.

Napoleon Hill 

 

Progress

A lot of people (including me) just lack motivation. So should we continue to use that as an excuse?

If maintaining progress is one of the hardest challenges we face when trying to make progress within our goals we need to make changes to our life. Simple manifestations of the underlying questions we face are the root of humanity. Why am I here? What do I want? How do I want to live my life? We all seek answers to these basic questions.

Goal setting is just a way of answering these questions. Whenever I think about goal setting, I usually start by thinking about my life with different scenarios. Everyone has different parts to their lives, with some parts staying distinct and some blending together. My goals can further be broken down into the remaining important attributes:

Measurable
-What is working Vs. What is not
-How far have I came thus far Vs. How far do I have to go

Tracking
-Do I feel succesful?
-Is this where I see myself?
-Am I happy?
-What have I accomplished on a small scale that adds to the end result?

Staying on track
-The most important thing is to get back on track as soon as possible. Do NOT wait until Monday or the beginning of the month to "start fresh".
-Learn from the past
-What barriers may interfere with your plan? Attack them

It feels so good to accomplish something, no matter the size.

Happy Monday

Fear

Sometime the thing that scares you must is believing...

Sustainable Happiness

I guess the first few weeks I will find myself in some sort of reflection time zone trying to make sense of why now, I am sort of feeling complexed by the idea that never in my life have I been sustainably happy. Of course there has always been periods however short or long when I was truly happy yet those usually came from something new like a project, relationship, or a successfully mile stone. People who are happy are usually happy despite their circumstances. We as humans are terrible and deciding what is that makes us happy or unhappy, we have a hard time remembering the pain and suffering unless it's in the moment it's why we are such gluten's for punishment. Goal- to think before while connecting past with present.

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. 

Thomas A. Edison 

An inability to escape

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying"

Oscar Wilde

There comes a time when you are faced with a decision that will impact your whole being, but it is up to us to make sure that the path we choose after will compliment us in all the right ways. It has been 10 days since I started my happiness project and each day I have taken several moments to reflect making sure I was present, checked in and alert. It isn't always easy being present, there are a lot of opportunity's in my day to check out  but while I struggle to be more attentive I have begun to find myself more inquisitive of my daily habits. Communication is a two-way process that starts with a 'sender' to often, what is said is not always what is heard. I feel when we are more attuned to the barriers that are often placed in front of one another that prevent the effectiveness of communicating we as a whole will be more receptive. By removing barriers in my own life it has provided me to hear what is being said, and then in return leaving me with a greater appreciation. 

Task #2

I have a good friend that I always feel like I am seeking some sort of approval from her, instinctively I always know what her response will be "DO whatever makes you happy". This is my quest, to find whatever it is that makes me happy. (you know who you are) I want to be as grounded as she is.

 Today and tomorrow and next month 

A vision

“Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground."

-Franklin D. Roosevelt

I pushed myself today. I thought about where I would like to be and didn't stop till I got there. I often over analyze situations that can often prevent me from that dreaded follow though. However, not today while I usually try and refrain from patting myself on the back...but hey what the heck I actually felt proud of something I did no strings attached. Learning to stand on your own two feet again can be quite problematic. It is easy to use the people closest to you, as a crutch to hide behind and sometimes abuse when you feel like you can't tackle it on your own. Shedding my layers of insecurity will be simple feat for me. I just keep at it!

Getting Started

What you do everyday matters more than what you do every once in awhile.

-Gretchen Rubin

Am I happy? I ask this of myself more often then I should, my answer always seems to be YES! I have a family that loves me unconditionally, a job I like (yes like), a man whom challenges me everyday to be a better person, and friends who support me. I am not just happy I am lucky, to have so much happiness in my life. So why do I always feel the need to seek out answers of happiness. It could be that maybe deep down I don't feel like I have done anything of major significance or that I have yet to learn how to live in the present. I mean I start most every morning with a list of tasks and places to be and things I want to do and things I should do, but as soon as that list is done I have a new one ready, set,  GO! 

I think back though the past few conversations with Darek about marriage, family, and the goals we have set for ourselves. As individuals and as a couple I am reminded of a particular conversation where he asked me "Why is it that your always thinking of the next place to be or do, when we are here now?" I am always ready for the next adventure, whatever it might be...but I think he is right. I am missing the now. Happy people do what they enjoy and enjoy what they do- no reward needed. Can happiness be learned? 

Identify-

I am going to be present, focused and engaged

Make a plan-

Turning off the phone

Be myself

Stop Comparing

Focus on one task at a time (complete, enjoy and then repeat)

Hear what is being said

Put things in perspective

Keep it manageable 

Here is to a new outlook